at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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