I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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