Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you had me at cake vodka
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
