i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
