I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
