I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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