I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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