Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just want nice things and good sex
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
