I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
