just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
