On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
