I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
