her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
