Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
