we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize