You made me cry and you don't even care
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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