I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
