you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize