He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
