You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
