Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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