I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize