Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
