In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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