Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
