Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
