I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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