I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
worst night to have a conscience
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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