I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
