I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
