dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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