I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
