I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
