You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
