There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
