Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
