I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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