Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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