you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
