I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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