he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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