Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
