Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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