You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
