Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
pop tarts are not kleenex
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
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