a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
