Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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