Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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