Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
