I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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