im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
