If i come over, it means nothing
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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