My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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