I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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