The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
