I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
