Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
