remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
