i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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