HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
