The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize