What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
