three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
