His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
