Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
