Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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