I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
