Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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