i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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