this will be a night to untag.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
