dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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