ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
