her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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