My brain says no but my pants say off.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
