You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
