hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
