big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
