My sheets look like a crime scene.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
