1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
