I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i will never coherently bang her
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
