I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize