i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
