i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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