Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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