I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
