I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
