I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
