no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
