Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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