Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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