i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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