It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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