I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
