So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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