Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
