I think my fart just growled at me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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