Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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