i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
