If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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