areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
