i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
