is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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