grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
