I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
