Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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