I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
