omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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