I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
