So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
