Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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