i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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