I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
