i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
