They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
