I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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