IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize