Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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