he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
