ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
