If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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